by ALEXI VENICE—
One of my friends was telling me about her girls’ weekend in Costa Rica. They went over Valentine’s Day. To keep track of their drinks, they brought along these little studs to hang on the sides of their cocktails, commonly referred to as “glass markers.”
Except I’ve never seen glass markers like these. These specific guys are sold under the brand name Drinking Buddies. They have names on their butts, so you can keep your drink straight. For me, one beer in, and I’d forget that my beer is Josh and my girlfriend’s beer is Ryan. No matter, I’m pretty sure they swing—from glass-to-glass, that is.
What a refreshing way to bring male companionship to the bar without bringing the husbands to Costa Rica! Let’s review the differences between Drinking Buddies and our husbands:
- You can leave Josh in the room if you’re tired of looking at him.
- Josh and Ryan, and their buddies, literally hang on your every word!
- If you think your girlfriend’s Drinking Buddy is hotter, you can make a deal to swap him. Trading is encouraged.
- Josh doesn’t talk back. Let’s face it: HE DOESN’T TALK AT ALL!
- Josh doesn’t leave his dirty socks in the living room because he isn’t wearing any!
- Josh and Ryan are always ready to party. They never complain that they’re too tired and would rather watch sports on TV.
- Josh and Ryan, and their buddies, will hit the dance floor and boogie down to any type of music with you.
- Josh and Ryan won’t embarrass you by singing Karaoke, farting or burping.
- Josh and Ryan really listen when you talk. I mean, REALLY LISTEN. They don’t interrupt or try to “problem solve” when you just want to talk about how you FEEL, not engage in a critical fucking analysis.
- The downside to Drinking Buddies? All the women in the bar will want them as soon as they notice them, and you can’t say that about our husbands.
I think these little guys are cute, but I’d like to go BIGGER with some studly men—maybe even celebrities.
Whoa! That’s too big. My cocktail would tip over with him hanging on the side.
How about my political crush—Justin Trudeau? He took some flack recently for dressing more brashly than the Bollywood stars while in, well, Bollywood. He and his family visited India, and he chose to dress in traditional Indian wedding garb. Trudeau went a little too far, drawing criticism from everyone when the Indians pointed out that not even Indians dress like Trudeau at their weddings. I mean, look at the slippers he’s wearing in the below pic.
The last guy to wear pointy slippers like that worked in Santa’s workshop as an elf. I can hear Christmas carols in the background and picture Trudeau scurrying around the workshop, rounding up all the gifts for Santa’s sleigh. Is he wearing a green leotard under the gold sherwani? Even the famous Bollywood actor had more sartorial sense—black slacks, shirt and blazer. Hello?! The Canadians I know wouldn’t let this happen to their leader. Why didn’t you guys give him some friendly advice, eh? He simply can’t be molded into an action figure and draped on the side of a woman’s cocktail looking like Santa’s elf. With. His. Name. On. His. Ass.
Since Trudeau let me down, I’ll have to return to my old standby crush of 40 years—Tom Selleck. I’d take him hanging on my every word off the side of my cocktail any day.
(So thrown off course from gazing at this image—for 15 minutes—I had to take a break from writing and throw some cold water on my face. Wow! Okay, back now.) The truth is, if I were out with the girls, I might find it difficult to maintain conversation with Tom hanging on the side of my cocktail. My drool would gross out my friends, but he’d be worth it.
Just seeing him conjures up another image.
Since my girlfriends were on their trip over Valentine’s Day, they decided it was “Galentine’s Day” with their Drinking Buddies, who raised their arms at such a clever name, signaling with their body language, “Yeah—party on! You gals rock!” And, don’t you want some miniature dollar bills to tuck into the Drinking Buddies’ swimsuits?
Drinking Buddies come in a variety of costumes. Here’s a pic of the little guys in chaps!
Oh, these guys are WILD! I think Chuck has a little lipstick on his right elbow!
Ride on, boys! Go for it, Butch!
You can buy them on Amazon here. You’re welcome for the free advertising, Drinking Buddies.